Jokes

Some jokes to share~ sent to b tru email by Mun...
Memoirs of IMH... I love e last joke most... haha


Record I
Patient A: "So how.. this book not bad ya?"
Patient B: "Excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense shit, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art -> too many character names to remember!!!"
Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you..put the telephone book back to the original place?"

Record II
One doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ear off, what will happen to you?"

Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."
Doctor: "Hmm.. that's normal...So if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen to you?"

Patient: "Then I will not be able to see..."
The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"

Patient: "Because my spectacles will drop down..."

Record III
IMH has an old lady who wears black everyday, carries a black umbrella and squats @ the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine.

The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her and decided to start by understanding her behaviour.

So, the doctor also wear black and carries a black umbrella; squatted outside together just next to her, rain or shine, everyday without fail.

So...days goes by...the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of words..for one solid month...

One fine day..the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"

Record IV
A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. She got curious and went to take a peek. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.

Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"

Patient : "I'm writing a letter to myself..."

Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?)
So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"

Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't receive the letter, how would I know??"

Record V
Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.

After a while, the patient rolling shouted to the top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"

The patient ontop replied: "No..no...I can't...I'm not ripe yet"

Record VI
One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...how? I think I'm a chicken since I was born..."
Doctor: "Woah! that's very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"
Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..."

Record VII
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home after unloading the stuff.
He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix on the new tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
The truck driver was very sad as he can't fished the bolts up; started to panick.

Coincidentally, one patient walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do, he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient nonchantly replied: "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." he goes on explaining: "You just have to take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones"

The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why do you stay in IMH?"

Patient replied: "I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

Doors~

Corridor full of doors of opportunities...
ok lar... it's my sch lab de corridor... a pic tt i took quite some time ago...

Quite a few ppl askin me abt work... esp those tt noe tt i went for interview n those tt noe tt i wanna change my job... so here e update... n oso a lil joke tt me n da created while discussin abt it... thus e reaason y i post tt corridor pic

went for tried applyin for 2 3 jobs... 1st @ pitstop... another for e science centre kids fest, a 1 week temp job... n e 3rd job as receptionist, oso a 1 week temp job...

pitstop... rejected cuz no more vacanies~ bt dey say if i'm able to work wen sch reopen can approach dem agn...

kids fest... e job tt i really wish i can get in actually :( haix... guess i over-estimate myself... tinkin tt i sure to get tt job :( haix~~ bt den... just haf to let it go~

receive an emails frm mel... 1st was data entry @ airport... tt time wen she send tt email was prior to exam... den wasn't in time to apply for tt... ytd she send an email regardin receptionist... yep... e 3rd job tt i apply for... send in my resume for tt... n gt a reply frm her pretty quickly... not to mention e phonecalls tt i gt to cfm as well as e meetup for tml later appoinment... efficient sia~


da... u're rite... doors may close bt more doors will open...


was tellin da abt how i didn't mange to get into e pitstop n kid fest job... was kinda disppointed abt it... ok... mayb not jus kinda bt really disappointed abt it... esp for e kid fest 1... haix... bt e doors r close... no point keep knockin on those 2 doors n hopin it will open any time soon...

da: aiya, those 2 doors close... other doors will still open de...
me: haix... i'm stuck in the corridor now lor...
da: haha...
me: erh... no... hold on... i'm not stuck in e corridor... i'm stuck in e door of guardian... haven step out sia~
da: ya lor... need my help to kick u out?

a summary of e conv regardin e 'doors' tt we talk abt for 2days...

suddenly havin lots of thought abt job... shall post in another blog entry :)

Joke: Dynamo liquid soap

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper.Her father said 'If you both come back I will allow you to marry. I accept that you love each other truly.'

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress.He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his fiancee, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.

The girl lost her senses. It was only after some time that she recovered from her shocked. The funeral and cremation was the very next day as he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.

Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.

Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains,and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady in her dream standing at her door.

She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl. She asked 'What is this...?'

The old lady replied...


'Aiyaa……..try DYNAMO Liquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains !!!' ...........

Joke

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in Britain .

Joke

Read e following joke @ STOMP... quite funny...


Once there was a wedding dinner. The dinner occupied one half the restaurant.

The other half was occupied by some Caucasian tourists.

As the wedding couples hop from table to table to toast the guests, the cheers of "KAN PEI" (Mandarin version of 'bottoms-up' - due to happy & joyous drinking) gets louder and louder.

One Caucasian gets more and more irritated as the couple get closer to him. "KAN PEI" ....."KAN....PEI"....!!!" The cheers continued.

Finally, the irritated Caucasian couldn't take it anymore.

He stood up on his chair and shouted. "IF YOU CAN'T PAY, THEN LET ME PAY FOR YOU!"