In 2009

In 2009...

...I watch 45 movies,which including 2 marathons.

1st marathon was with BTP, watching 3 Pixel movies @ cineleisure... 2nd movie maranthon was wid Da, watching Twilight and New Moon @ vivocity... Totally love it ^^ The rest? Practically all wid Deardear... From animation to action to horror... Average ard 1 movie each week! GOSH!! Thanks to the GV movie card that leemei help me get, the Cathay gift card that XiaoYi give me as well as being a study... manage to save quite a lot on movie... n also that sometime, deardear sponsor me for the movies~

Oh, and not forgettin that it's the 1st time I watch an after-midnight movie, on Boxing day with Deardear


...I went for 2 oversea trips during the winter season.

1st trip was to Sydney, Australia as a study trip with my clique and Mr Khaw... Totally love the weather there. And not forgettin that it was the 1st time going oversea without my family...

2nd trip was to Korea with family... Didn't enjoy as much I had for Australia... But pretty much enjoy it... Tried out skiing, making own kimchi, wearing the traditional korea costume... And not forgettin caught tt little snowflake~


...I signed up for 5 membership
1st: Jigsaw Puzzle world membership, with S$250 purchase I tink. Got hook to jigsaw puzzle in Jan... And had been buying jigsaw almost monthly... Except for aug to oct period? Had tried out different jigsaws. My favourite? The panorama as well as those miniature jigsaw... Not forgetting that I compeleted 2 set of 1000 pieces jigsaw... ^^ But yet to complete that 2000 piece winnie and friend jigsaw (wonder when I gng to complete that??)

2nd: Action City membership in Jan, with S$50 purchase... Had sign up when I bought my jelly-lens... But didn't really use that card cuz hardly go Action City to buy anything.

3rd: Made with Love membership in July, with min of S$5 purchase... That was when I get very very into cards making and stamping. Started to invest in stamping as well as crafting material. Actually, this is more of a loyalty card then membership...

4th: Junior De Artist membership in Aug, I think? Had sign up cause of the great promotion offered to the members. And boy am I glad to sign up for this, even though this is the most expensive membership that I had sign up... S$120!!! But brcause of the membership, I had save $500+ in the purcahse that I made in the following month. And not forgettin that the goodie bag is totally worth it ^^

5th: Popular student membership card in Dec. Mom help me sign up for this as she feel that I need it pretty often. And having two cards at home will be more convenient since me and my sister keep kopin the card and forget to put it back.


...I got my license!

Sign up in late Feb... Cleared by BTT on the 1st try, FTT on the 2nd try and finally TP on the 1st try (nope not 3rd try -.-)... 1st lesson was on the last week of May, taught by Paul... And the next lesson was all the way in July... One reason cause there isn't much slot left in June and that I went oversea as well...

It was fun learnin to drive, even though manual can be a lil bit more troublesome, as need to control the clutch. But somehow, I prefer the manual one more... Perhaps it's because I'm use to drivin that? *cross finger that I get to drive durin CNY)

Got my license on the last day of 2009. What a good way to end 2009 ^^


...I had non-family member sleeping over

Fel was the 1st non-family to sleepover at my hse. Original plan was stayin over at her camp... but due to circumstances, ended up at my hse...

Deardear being the 2nd to stayover... Had went for an after-midnight movie @ amkhub... Ended at 4am, and deardear don't want to waste money on cab... And see-ing that I'm very tired, he pei me home and keep coaxin me to go rest... Ended up I fall aslp next to him, while he's usin the com in my livin rm...


... I had a sleepover at a frien house

Sleepover at fel hse... which, prior to that, she came all the way to amk to look for me at work and take the train with me to her hse... Her maid cook a super duper nice dinner!


... I had lots of emotion sea-sawing

Emotions really on a sea-saw this year... Ups and Downs... Not that a lot of stuff happen physically around me, more like mentally, emotionally and psychogically...

Break down in April had impact me so badly that I nearly did something that I'll regret. But thanks to those around me, who been offering a hand to me each and everytime, I woke up, I stood back up.

Too much going on inside me, that lead to many little meltdowns and another breakdown. In a way, I'm glad for this happening, for it had enable me to see, who are the ones who are really there for me, concern about me. Those who had been there for me, thanks for the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on, the lending hands and most importantly, the time and effort.


... I had lost some, gain some

Lost some friendships
Gain some friendships.
Lost some naiveness
Gain some experience.
Gain some new skills

In a way, 2009 had been an eye-opening year for me. A year that I had accept quite a few stuff, which I had realise of previously, but just won't accept. It's a way that I see certain stuff clearer and better. It's a year that I start to make changes around me.

Friendships, cca, work... Each had a lesson, a trial, an obstacle... providin me a chance to learn, to gain experience, to grow. And it also became chance that cause me to change.



Overall, 2009 had been really eventful. It had been both a great and a bad year for me. But I know, things happened for a reason. I may not know why it happen, but in due time, I'll find out. Like how certain stuff in the past had lead to what I may have gone through or will be going through this year.

All I hope is that, 2010 will be a better year.

StageArts - TMT

Two years. That's the duration for my journey in SA-TMT.

In Jan '08, I stepped onto this journey.
On 18.12.08, I was being recognize and given a responsibility of assisting in running the department
On 11.12.09, it came to an end.

A short, but eventful two years.

The friendships that I had made because of SA in these two years
The ups and down that I had gone through during the events
The knowledge that I had learned over the events

The laughter
The joy
The disagreements
The hurts

I could still remember how much I had dread it the first time when I had to work with the rest of the department. Having to just join TMT for just couples of months, I still feel like a stranger in SA. I was the last to join SA, for my batch.

Having to be chosen to be in the committee for SA Night '08, had change my view. I enjoy working with the rest. And that was the time that I realise, I do get notice. Notice for my existence in the cca by someone in the committee. It's something that I had not felt from GG. That made me feel really good about myself, as it felt that I was being appreciated, being recognised for my effort.

Then, camp came along. Bonding between departments as well as all levels in SA. It had been fun, interacting with everyone. Not forgetting those games that we had.

Production, the majaor event throughout my SA-TMT life. I was choosen to be the ASM. But due to certain circumstances, I ended up being the SM. Indeed, it was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. It was my first, as well as my last. Unforgetable memories from production, a whole different feel when you work behind the curtain and in the control room. Through production, it brought me even closer with the rest of SA. Hanging out with some of them after the production at S11 for supper had gave me even more chances to know my fellow StageARTers better.

Halloween was a blast. Was unable to attend it originally as I had to oversee another TMT event. But had swop duty on that day. And boy, am I glad about it.

I could still recall about the committee interview. I know completely nothing about what's going to happen. I didn't even know that I was going for an interview. Not until the rest tease me about the TMT positions.

To be truthful, I had my eyes set on being the Head of TMT. And that was why I had join SA-TMT, when Amin first introduce me to SA. But as time goes by while I was in SA-TMT, my mindset change, especially when the next batch came in. I see someone as a better candidate than I was. I was no longer eyeing the Head of TMT, because I feel that the better candidate deserve it better than me.

But nonetheless, I was disappointed to know that I got the Assistant Head of TMT. In a way, I feel that I was given false hope of I getting the Head of TMT. But looking back now, I realise, signs been showing pretty early, given how the other person was chosen for the task, be it for camp or the production. I'm just second person-in-line.


I accept my position, despite the fact that I didn't want to accept that person as my Head. Biasness because I didn't manage to get the position and she landed on it? Perhaps. And to think, I had mention in the interview, how much I feel that she can't hold that role, that responsibility.

Then 2009 came. And my duty as TMT Assistant Head started as well. Clubcrawl, SA night, camps, production... All had became my responsibility as she's busy with her fyp and attachment.

I had voiced out, how displease I was. But due to miscommunication, nothing was done. The only that had change was, I no longer tolerate it quietly. And that was also the time that I realise, I wasn't the only one who doesn't like her.

Thinking back, I really wonder how many times I had to clear up the mess she left. Wonder if she really deserved her position?

SA night seem to be the start of the unhappiness. Realising how little she know about the way things work. Realising how little attention she's paying to TMT. Realising that the direction in which I hope to build TMT on, she don't even bother.

I grew tired. Tired of handling her responsibility. Tired of clearing up her mess. Tired of the unhappiness that was growing in me.

2009, I have to admit, was a pretty unhappiness time I had in SA. True that I enjoyed myself during events, etc. However, the reponsibility and duty were making me wary, making me really tired to even carry on.

In a way, I was looking forward to stepping down. It will be the end of responsibility. And most of all, I'll no longer be under her and she will be out of my life.

Yet, I'm not ready to end this journey. Despite to how unhappy I was. I was looking forward to Alumni Night, yet dreading it at the same time.

But things have to come to an end. And it ended on 11.12.09



The places that I get to go because of SA. Blk E room, Sport hall, Dome, TFA, Auditorium. All these places held memories for me, especially TFA. I had hang around the backstage for two events, which happen to be a time that I had misunderstanding with deardear in 2008. That was also the place where me and Erny had experience something creepy. The camwhoring session during the first events. All these had became nothing but a memory.


SA... Even though my journey for it has ended. But still, I'm an alumni. I'll still be back for events, but this time round, as an audience.

Thank you SA, for those memories and friendship.












p.s. SA is so damn pro. 3 years since I step into NYP, never once that I wore a skirt. Yet, for the alumni night, I wore my blue, flowy, full-length skirt. My first and my last I believe.

Thots

Seems to have lots of stuff going through my mind currently. School, CCA, relationship, and whatever there is that I yet to be able to categorise into...

School:
Just had one quiz down... and 5 paper to go next week. Then it will be 2 weeks break. Projects and stuff... Glad that most lab pract are over and done with. So left with projects to settle.

Pretty vex over PDD product. Wish it can really just turn out the way it ought to be. Solutions were offered by others, perhaps ought to take it up? Couldn't help but ask myself, why did I even choose to do on snowskin mooncake when both me and my groupmate didn't try it before. And best thing is? mooncake isn't in the season now... zZz

Things are pretty manageable, but just confusing. Don't want to think so much into it le.


CCA:
in just a few days later, it marks the end of SA for me. 2 years. That's how long it been. Lots of stuff that happen which I half wish it didn't, especially for this 1 year. But still, I'm glad to be in this cca, for it have bring friendships to me. Experiences that I would never forget. Dreading, yet looking forward to it at the same time. *shrug*

as for the other cca. I really wish things are resolved and settled by ytd. I can't help but wonder, it is a wrong move all along? The decision to join, to stop for a period of time, to resume, to be a better leader. Or perhaps, all these shouldn't have been done? To leave it as how it is 2 years ago? It seems to be, if that was done, things will be less complicated now?

But like I always say, things happen for a reason and with each decision comes along with a mark that is left. A mark that is not removable, it may fade, but not gone. But, in a way, it feel as if those marks and decisions are huanting me, questioning me if this is indeed what I decided on, if I'm able to face up to the consequence of those decisions.

Thinking too much? Perhaps I am. Things can be rather simple. But they ain't, when things are interlope with other stuffs, like priorities, or even relationship.

It still boils down to how much I willing to sacrifice isn't it? But to sacrifice, you have to know the priority. All I know for myself is that, I'm a 1st-come-1st-book kinda person. I don't like cancel out on people or events. And that's the way I been doing things. However, it seems that to some, I'm not prioritizing my stuff well, that I'm not putting enough effort. If there are people doubting my skill, I'm ok with it, because there is still a lot more that I need to learn, to improvise on. Yet, commitment being questioned, that's one thing that I find it hard to accept.

Relationship:
Not that anything is screwed up or what. But just that there been too many bumps and hiccups this year. Some got back on course and moving along well, yet some had fall off the course and gone in a totally different direction. I hate it when I feel/have the impression that I'm being blame for the drifting etc in the relationship. It's a two way thing, it takes two hands to clap. I don't deny, I'm taking some for granted at times, that I seem to be can't be bother with it at times. It gets really weary at times, if it keep happening again and again, around the same issue. I learn about not holding too tightly, afterall, people comes and goes, even for the bestest friends.

Been thinking about quite some stuff, especially about future. And chat with my PDD mate had left me thinking. Both of us pretty much share the same mindset. Now, the thing is no about how we think, but rather, how much of it will be put in action? 100%? 50%? or perhaps 0%?




Lost in a way. Yet seems to be in 'control' in another.


Time is too short for regrets. Before you know it, dec will be over, 2009 will be over. On the last day of 2009, a reflection is indeed needed...

Numerology part 2

I see you floating in a sea of endless time - great vistas and a
feeling of lifetimes behind and ahead of you. I get the feeling of
urgency with you Jie Ying, things that must be done,
lessons that must be experienced. I sense the rhythm of life, the
cycles we all experience.

From your Life Path in combination with your Soul Urge, I get the
impression that you have a pleasant personality, and are generally
liked by others. You can be easily hurt at times, and as a result
are more careful with displaying your feelings than you used to be.

Jie Ying, I sense that you are a very busy person who is
always on the go. The more you have on your plate, the better. At
times you wish you had less to do, but you would be totally lost if
you woke up one morning and found nothing at all to do! This
couldn't happen, of course, as every time you get a space you seem
to fill it up very quickly. You'll be just as busy in late life as
well ... in fact you won't get time to grow old, you'll just simply
keep on growing!

Having said that, it's not surprising you need a break after this
past year. Let's face it - we all need a little breathing space now
and again to re-charge our batteries. Remember to take time to
smell the roses!

Jie Ying, you have had a few worries recently about money,
but you know you have the power to solve them. While it's been a
bit of a bumpy ride financially these past couple of years, the
next 18 months or so will be a lot easier.

Looking at your Personal Days and Personal Months, you should be
pleased Jie Ying ... it shows that shortly you will receive
some pleasant news. It is nothing momentous, but is sufficient to
raise your sights and hopes. It is good news.

I sense a period early on in your life - teenage years perhaps -
when you felt misunderstood, as if you couldn't really get close to
anyone, as it you are walking on the outside of life. These
feelings very occasionally reoccur.

You are a very special person Jie Ying. The experiences you
undergo are all for a very special purpose, one I'm sure you are
not aware of yet. Nevertheless, you are progressing in exactly the
right direction. Your timing is good and you are learning from
every experience. I don't know if you believe in reincarnation, but
I get the feeling that you are a highly evolved person, as if you
have lived many times before. In time you will have much to offer
the rest of us.

Romantically, it has not always been easy, and your outlook on life
has changed because of this. The future is much easier in this
regard than in the past.

Jie Ying, you have sometimes wondered if you have made the
right decisions at times, and it looks as if you have. You work
best when you make your own mind up on things, though it is useful
to ask other people for advice before you make your own mind up.

I see some travel in your future, and several new horizons
beckoning. Your progress in this world has not always been as fast
as you would like, but I can see significant growth in the future.
You tend to feel you have a lot of unused capacity, and that people
don't always give you full credit for your abilities.

I can see you happy and productive in your old age, surrounded by
friends and family. You are of above average intelligence, and will
keep on learning all the way through life.

ARGH!!!

Can someone just teach me how to handle this person who JUST sms me, telling me that she still not too sure what her role does?! When it's near the time for us to step down?! WTH!!

Woah~ once again, she just show me how amazing she can be!

I'm getting tired of her acting like the good person when in front of the whole SA... I'm freaking tired! Yet in sms, she kinda accuse me for catching her off guard when I just voice out to the whole committee about the incident earlier this year.

Seriously, you said that I ought to approach you first... Well, didn't I do that? And because of the way you had reacted, I had to ask the president and vice president for help... It's not that I wanted to voice out about this incident again... But somehow, I realise, things wasn't follow up...

I tell everyone except you? Did I really tell everyone except you? Please think about it carefully.

I had bought that matter up, not because of you, not because I'm trying to shoot you down or what, but I just recall on this incident in which actions weren't taken when they were said to be!


But like what I had said during the meeting, now that you're back, I'll pass everything back to you. No longer will I be responsible if things do cock up. Because from now onwards, you are doing the one man show!

Lookin Back at the holiday~

It's time again for school to reopen *HAIX!!*

Let's look back at my holiday and see how much of the things I have done on my to-do list...

• Cleared up my room
  Checked!! ok~ half check =.= cuz I only cleared up my table...
  
  
• Sort out my wardrobe...
  Checked!!
  
  
• Make the class video...
  Undone once agin -.-
  
  
• Update blog abt my aust study trip
  1/6 done only... Laziness overtake my determination again when it come to makin collages of those pic...
  
  
• Work more!!!
  Haix~ I actually earn lesser than I did during school time as I did not work on the 1st week of sept when I was having my exam T.T
  
  
• Complete my 1st video-makin biz~
  I'm soo going to boycott that company *Pissed* Didn't even tell me that I'm no longer needed
  
  
• More craft, esp cards ^^
  Checked ^^ had received gd comments for those cards that I have given ppl so far... Guess selling hand-made card will be a plus point for my blogshop ^^ But rather time consumin for each card...
  
  
• Complete my 2,000 piece Winnie The Pooh jigsaw
  I didn't even touch ANY of my jigsaw for this holiday... *Faint~*
  
  
• Food Chase
  Check... Didn't win, bt had fun ^^
  
  
• Cleared up my drivin pract
  Checked ^^ Left the last assessment before I can book my TP... WEE~
  
  
• Meetup wid Deardear on his off
  Checked ^^ ok~ sometime I didn't cuz I kinda throwin tantrum? *oops~* but deardear give in to me most of e time and visit me instead...
  
  
• Meetup wid Da for our exploration~
  Checked ^^ 4 exploration trips~ And more comin soon!!! Sch ain't stopping us ^^
  
  
• Night cycle!!!
  I knew this won't be completed one =.= sian~ Hopefully mh dey all do plan 1 in Dec, aft my paper, while i'm still in SG!!
  
  
• Set up blogshop to sell my prize catches from arcade
  Checked... And even sold 3 items...

Have been out the whole holiday... Either work, or hangin out with deardear/friends and very occasionally with family n relatives...

Spend the 1st week in sch due to cca... bt rest of the holiday was out havin fun most of e time...

Had been lookin forward to this holiday... Because, one year ago, during sept/oct holiday... things changed for me, in a way that I never expect... But I'm glad of that change, and would never want to miss this change ^^

This year, start something else new for me... Exploration trip as well as something else... hehe... Those may be the 1st for me, but i'm totally loving them ^^


I better get down to blog abt my aust trip b4 i realyl forget every single detail liao~~ time for collagin ^^

Doubts

Times and again, she never fail to let me doubt why is she even chosen to be the head of department.

Seriously, how many times have she asked if the year 3 have to be informed when it's already mentioned in the email? How many times have she mixed up some of my seniors as year 3, instead of year 2? How many times have I remind and corrected her?!

I couldn't help wonder, if she really doing her part as the head. No, rather I ought to say, is she even capable of being the head or even holding any of the post. I'm tired of clearing up her mess.

If not for yesterday's meeting, I'll never know that she actually got into an argument with another department assistant head during the production rehearsal.

Everyone seem ok with working with others. Yet, just from the production alone, I have heard about the messes that involve her. About her stepping on others' tails and irritated others and pissing them off. It really does seem that most people have problem working with her.



I totally agree with the SA President. Committee should be chosen based on their capability, not just how long they have been in the cca. So what if they have been longer? Not consistence attendance, not as capable as someone who is a junior. Seriously, I don't think that person ought to even be consider for a position. It's the effort that ought to be paid off. Not seniority in the cca!



All I know is that, when I'm not instructed, I won't be making much of a move. Especially when the instructions are clearly stated to be taken by the Department Heads. No longer will I initiate to help her out. I'm helping long enough and I really have enough of it. So what if my efforts may be recognise by the some in the cca? The bottom line is that I'm not credited and stuff. She's claiming the credit ultimately. So why waste my effort?

I'm the one making the decision.
I'm the one knowing how the procedure is like.
I'm the one making the stand.
I'm the one giving the suggestion.

What exactly is she offering?!
Uncertainty!
Most of the time, the answer I get from her is "I don't know".

Fine then. You don't know right? Then be it. I made the decision. If you're unhappy, that's your problem! You don't voice out, but I do. Whatever going to happen in the future, you're on your own. I'm no longer going to give you a damn!


One last event. That's all I'm waiting for. To really get away from you once and for all.

Though I seriously doesn't wish for the journey to end. But I know, beyond this journey, there's another one. As long as I made the effort. And when that journey start, I'll make that you'll never set your foot on it!

SA Production '09

I just realise, how much I didn't want to12th September to come. Not that I dread it, but rather, it's that I still not prepared to face it. Not prepare to face the SA production, an event which everyone comes together and work together.

The last event in which every departments play a big role in.

Like what Illham had said in his facebook:

With this much fun that we're having. I wouldn't want production to start. Because I do not want it to end.

It's not really an end yet for our journey. But this is the last time we seniors are working on something together. Indeed, lots of fun and laughter, lots of anger and irritation, but ultimately, we get thing done smoothly and well...


Having to supervise for this production only, I wish I can be really part of it like how other Department Heads and Assistant Heads are. Fully immersed into the production as a participants, not as a 'supervisor'. Immersed into the production like how I had for last year.

I missed being the Stage Manager (SM)... Indeed, it is a "one time" opportunity, like what Erny said last year. Cue to standby lighting. Cue to standby sound. Cue to open/close the curtain. I really do miss those time. Those 'intercom-abusing' sessions with my then juniors. And that was the time, I get to know the other departments juniors better. People like Jac, Nadeen, Hanafi, etc. And I still remember hanging out with other members and seniors after the production on the last day for the 'traditional' supper at S11, which is just below my house.


And all these are just memories of what happened last year. Much as I try to be as immersed as I can for the production, the feeling is just isn't there. Anyone understand how I'm feeling?

Time have passed, and I know that my time to shine has pass as well. As I told Erny, it's time for Shavien to shine instead, that is, if she do her role well. Having to be the one handling her responsibility and role for the past few months is more than I want to take up on. Not like I have a choice anyway.

Tomorrow will be the day. Though it ought to be drama's big day as it's their production, perhaps, because of the closeness I feel to this family, that I feel that this is the time for the whole cca to shine. Be it Drama, Dance, MCH or TMT.

I believe things will go well, because it never fail to do so.


Let's make it a blast, STAGEarts!

To-do-list

It's time agn for to-do-list for holiday... hopefully can really really get everything done... yea~

1. Cleared up my room (tink popo will b happier when i do clear up =.=)
2. Sort out my wardrobe... (it gt messy agn!!! *pouts*)
3. Make the class video... (ppl send me pic!!!)
4. Update blog abt my aust study trip
5. Work more!!! (i need e $$ badly!!!!)
6. Complete my 1st video-makin biz~
   
7. More craft, esp cards ^^ (wanna work on e technique i learn frm e vid ^^)
8. Complete my 2,000 piece Winnie The Pooh jigsaw
9. Food Chase
10. Cleared up my drivin pract (hopefully can do TP by oct ^^)
11. Meetup wid Deardear on his off
12. Meetup wid Da for our exploration~ (can't w8!!!)
13. Night cycle!!! (i think this will be not done afterall the lor...T.T)
14. Set up blogshop to sell my prize catches from arcade (a new income for myself... n mom n popo will b so glad finally i'm gettin rid of my plushies -.-)
    

Think that's all for now. I know that's a lot more to go... But can't think of any for now...


Anyway... 2 days passed since end of last paper... have been out practically since tt day...

Wed: Hang out wid bestie... like finally?! e last time all 4 of us went out was Jan? yep... ultra long... spend a long day @ bugis... den edith, da n me walk all e way to city hall den take train frm dere...

Thurs: was home practically e whole day... deardear came over aft his movie... den had dinner tgt...

Fri: went bak for GG... den fetch noelle frm sch... den to grandma place... pretty long since i last drop by *oops*

Sat: bak to NYP for SA meetin as well as photoshoot... den meetin deardear for movie and dinner~ celebratin out monthversary ^^

Sun: no plan yet... bt i tink gt tt filmin lesson @ nite... zZz...

Mon: Workin 12-5pm... den drivin @ 5.55pm

Tues - Thurs: Production rehearsal... 12-10pm

Fri: Work 12-10pm

Sat: MFGG COH in e mornin... den production in e afternn... n out wid deardear @ nite

Sun: Work 10-4 pm

HOLIDAY HERE I COME!!! ^^

MFGG gangshow '09

One year plus... That's how long since the last time I stepped into MFSS... No thanks to some stuff that happened...

Seriously, it's so hard to please Edith, you know? She been trying to psycho me to go since the confirmation of the campfire. I kept telling her that I won't be going as I have plans on that day le, after she informed me that the gangshow is postpone to 1st August. Not lying anyway. I did have plans on that day. But in actual fact, I had decided to go. The only person who know about that is Felicia. In a way she's the one that manage talk me through and psycho me to go la.

Went to the canteen to check with the juniors where are the rest. Then went to guides' room to help them with moving of the brick to the hall. And that's when that Edith blurt out: Eh Jie, why you here?! =.= talk about giving her a surprise. sheesh~

And that's when I started to get busy. Having to attend event and stuff cause of my current cca, StageArts, I ended up helping them with backstage, lightings and sounds as well as projection thingy.

First thing that I did was helping them with taping down the wire for the spotlight. Then help to calm Samathan down as she having stage fright. Glad to manage to calm her down. Then went to backstage to help Joey with settling of which lights to use for which sectment of the gangshow. And then I'm practically stuck there after that, as Joey had asked for my help.

To be frank, it's a whole different experience I have for a campfire/gangshow. Afterall, how many people will get to work backstage for a campfire/gangshow, especially since you're an alumni.

Being stage manager during SA event help me. And in a way, I shared those experience and knowledge with them yesterday. Joey, Xiao Wei, Samathan and Cheryl. Those who were at the backstage. Things can get a little chaotic. But as long as you're keeping check of what you have to do, things will run smoothly. Having those experience, in a way, aids me to help assuring them and enable them to be less stress during the event.

I didn't have much time to really enjoy the event with my fellow alumni. However, it has became something memorable for me. The different attitude in this batch of girls compared to the previous ones.

You girls may have little manpower. Remember, quality still override quatity. Do a good job in maintaining and improving guides. Sooner or later, people will see that MFGG is better than what they expected. I have faith in you girls.

I guess, in a way, going back for the gangshow last night have renew my passion for guides, especially for MFGG.

Communication

I just don't understand, why is it so hard to just to communicate with you! I seriously have enough, yet I can't just wash my hands off everything, no matter how many times I wished I did.

Just a simple phrase, yet you can keep telling me that I say likewise before.

I'm tired. Do you know that? I'm tired of having to carry YOUR responsibility on MY shoulder just because you're away for attachment.

Stop being hypocrite about how grateful/thankful/glad that I'm helping you. Because I'm totally unwilling to do so! Get that in you!

Who is the one putting in more effort, I believe everyone can see it. Who is the more reliable one, I believe they know it. Who is the one that do followup and making effort for the department, I believe they can tell.

I'm just really tired of trying to communicate with you. Since you been using the excuse that you're busy with attachment and FYP, then let me give you a warning. Don't be shock when I'm not going to help you anymore when mid-August is here, when you're back in school. For that time, you have no excuse of having to stay away anymore.

You ain't the only person having attachment. Yet why do I feel that you seem to have a 'privilege' for staying away from cca? Others having other commitments like attachments or work still tend to their department. Are you?



It's too late to change anything. But at least I know, I'm trying my best to do what is best for the department. Come mid-August, everything will be back to you. And when things get screwed up after that, I no longer going take anymore responsibility to clear up the mess. You are the head. I'm been handling your responsibility for the department for too long. Afterall, I'm nothing more than just an Assistant Head.

Deadline

3 events... and each time it just got more annoying to collate the attendance list... ARGH!


seriously, I feel like just hack care about everything. Why bother, especially since i'm not even going for the upcoming camp. just because i'm the assist head, so i have to do whatever my head throwing to me to do?! ARGH!

And guess wad, she don't even inform me herself that i have to contact e juniors, collating e attendance... I KNOW IT THROUGH A JUNIOR! SOMEMORE FROM ANOTHER DEPARTMENT! wth


Why should I even put in that much effort when I don't even get recognise for it?



So what if you're having attachment? Business don't just go to those having attachment mind you!



CCA used to be a source of enjoyment... But now it seem that it just making me more pissed off because of the thing i have to do just because the head is away for attachment. ARGH!

S.A. Nite '09

The night is here... For the whole SA freshies to come tgt n enjoy... STAGEARTS NIGHT '09


tis yr theme was bollywood... n was held at Dome... on a Saturday....

Really cool deco, thanks to Arati's bf...
took tis pic while e yr 3 drama peeps havin deir run tru... totally love deir play... amusin n entertainin... esp nicholas n eunice!!

Not all TMT seniors turn up... But the rest of us took pic to rmb tis nite...
Had a long chat wid my seniors onli to realise tt i'm not e onli 1 standin alone. I'm surprise that my feeling and thoughts was shared by her too. And to think, it's just from what been happenin even before we stepped up...

A long day in sch... bt slackin most of e time... cuz nth much for us to do actually...


Next SA event will b e camp, 12th-14th June... But won't b gng cuz i'm flyin off on 13th nite... haix... bt e president wan me to b dere for clash course... shall c how bah~

Responsibility

Once again you failed to inform me...
You just assume that I know...


Great...
You just shown me how much worse my week can get...



ARGH!!

Commitment

So, to you doing the work prior to the event (eg. preparing the script and cues) is more important than being there to ensure thing go well during the event. Then isn't it just going to prove even more that I'm the one committed more now? Since I have been the one collating, initiating, attending the briefing, being there during the rehearsal.

Oh, I shouldn't say that, should I? Afterall, like you say, you're having your FYP, can't commit your 100% now. Then when it's attachment, what are you going to do? Isn't that going to be even worse?!

Anyway, don't expect me to initiate after this event. Same goes for checking of the email. If you, as the head don't even give a damn, why should I?


Oh, have I mention that some juniors even mistaken that I'm the head instead?



I believe it is very clear, that who is more approachable to the juniors, not just our own department juniors, but other department as well. At least, from what I have observed, that is the way it have been.

Once again, I'm the one initiated, to discuss about SA/TMT stuff. Can't you even inform me about the rehearsal after you know about it? So much for Head and Assistant Head to work hand in hand. How do I even work with you when you don't even update me about what is happening? Gosh, I think, if the juniors have not contact me through facebook, I doubt I will even know about it.

I done my share of work. You are the head, you shall be the one talking to the juniors about their attendance. I'm just going to collate the attendance for the upcoming event that's all. That is my scope of work.


I hate it when my gut feeling prove me right. I hate it.


This Saturday, I'm not going to bother how hectic it may be, I going to really talk things out with you. To really draw a line for the thing we ought to do for our own position. Why should I do more than my share and let you be the one getting the credits for my effort?

Did you realise how contradicting your words are? When I mention to you about the juniors not able to make it. You actually reply that they should push away whatever they can and to attend all SA/TMT events. Have you done the same? Have you been there for every event? The answer is clearly no. For the past one year, how many of SA event have you attend?

I guess it's just the SA nite, SA camp and BBQ. You didn't even stay for the BBQ, left after a while. Drama production and Halloween nite. Both you didn't attend the actual event because you have your church stuff.

Indeed I'm questioning your priority of the cca. Indeed I'm questioning your committment toward the cca.

Unfair? Bring it on then. Prove to me that what I say is not true.


I'll be waiting for Saturday.

Initiative

While checkin e email, I couldn't help bt asked myself... y m i still takin all this initiative and responsibility to check, wen she dun even gif a damn... wen she dun even bother to log in to check and reply e freshies...


crap!


oh~ i haf to correct myself... she did log in... aft i told her to do so as to reply a certain freshie... sheesh~


i'm so damn irritated tt she dun even bother to check e freshies sign up list... to think tt she was e 1 tellin me she wil check up e num to c hu is tt person tt sms her *roll eyes* end up hu's e 1 checkin... me agn...

n to tink ieven inform her tt e person oredi sign up... she still ask for e freshie's details n stuff... gosh~





is it really that hard to communicate with you?!?!

Committee

I can't help but wonder... how is e committee bein chosen? who is e 1 havin e say for hu to be put into e position of head n assistant head of each department?


Somehow... I startin to question on e decision being made...
Somehow... I can't help recallin those stuff tt I had withness before...



There is still 2/3 of e yr to go... hopefully, things do get better, instead of worse...



Though assume is to make an ass out of u and me... I shall assume that the battle is lost...

Responsibility

Don't blame me if I started to do less work. Afterall, my role is just to assist you, not the one to make e decision nor doing almost all e work.


I believe I have done more then my share ever since we had step up, ever since we have taken up this responsibility


You argue that you oversee the events. True, you are the one who oversee the events, afterall your're the head. But are you really there to make sure thing going well during rehearsal and stuff? Who is the one who is physically there to really make sure things are okay? Who is the one who turn up for the briefing? Who is the one who allocate the duties to the juniors during the events? I believe both of us know clearly the answers to all the questions that I stated above.

Anyway I had voiced out. I decided not to take action on my own and wanted to talk to you first. But it seem, you are putting a guard against me after I mention how I felt to you, don't you? True that I strongly believe things are in my favour. But ultimately, outcome will still be based on you. If you don't want to give way, if you feel that I'm just being the one that unreasonable, then there's nothing I can do isn't it?


If my gut feeling about the outcome is true, all I want to do is to ask you: Do you think you are really capable to handle the department and everything else? Are you able to make e decision, voice it out and really do something abt it? Are you even able to prove that you can do your job as the head? Are you even close to the juniors as well as the rest of the cca to really work well with them?

What happen last wednesday somehow just seem to prove how unsuitable you are. I may be the last in our batch to join. I may have been in the department for a shorter period than you. But at least I know how things work.

Do you even remember what you say to me on that day? You say you don't know how thing work in the cca. You say you can't alway be the one to do the work. You say you're shocked that you got the post, yet at the same time not really shock.

Ask youself, answer yourself truthfully. Are you really the one doing all the work? Who have been the one who have been voicing out ideas for the department? Who have been the one who is doing the compilation of the freshies? Who have initiate the meeting to discuss for orientation? Who have been the one making the decision and work on it all these while?

Do you even know why I'm voicing out my displeasure? Do you know that it's not even about cca point? I don't give a damn to cca point now! I just displease over the fact that I'm doing the work, yet it seem that you are claiming the credit.

True, I agree to do the work, but do I have a choice not to do it? And seriously, think about it. I have been initiative enough to do the work without you to tell me to do so, having to know how tied up and stressed you are with your fyp.

It's like our responsibilities swop, do you even realise that? I'm the one telling you what to do, informing you of what's happening, allocating of juniors for duties. Isn't all these your responsibilities instead?

Yes, I have to stand in for you if you can't make it. But things like compiling of contacts, emailing the juniors and freshies. I believe you can do all these don't you?


If the outcome is as what my gut feeling is telling me. Rest assure I'll cooperate with you for the rest of the year. But don't expect me to be initiative anymore. I won't deny that I may still do more that what is expected of me, but just don't expect me to be initiative anymore. Because I see no point of doing so.

If it's not for the welfare and growth of the department, I would not have voiced out. Indeed that I want to be recognise for what I am doing. But what I have been doing have been for the department.

2008...

2008 jus zoom by... i still tryin hard to believe tt it's oredi 2009...

seriously... i wonder if too much stuff happen in 2008... n wid my sch yr start in apr n end in feb... perhaps, tt's y i'm actually slightly confuse by e stuff tt had happen... esp @ e start of e yr... e 2 project exhibitions tt was held tis yr... somehow, i keep tinkin tt project 1 exhibition was last yr thingy... until i go n read back on my blog...


lots of movie was watched tis yr... 21movies!! almost like 2 movie per month >.< *yikes~* been watchin movie wid sushi gang for e middle of e yr... den was wid ken for e end of e yr... *no wonder i'm gng broke -.-*


finally quit guardian aft plannin to do so in dec '07... n finally resign last month... haf to go bak soon to sign my letter, pass e uniform bak to aisah and collect my payslip *n to figure how on earth did i manage to earn so much for my last pay wen i work pretty lil*

talkin abt work... still rmb tt time i was holdin 2 jobs... haha... guardian n yogurt place... ok... i guess u may start ask wen i'm gng to start workin @ yogurt place... guess wad's e great thing tt happen... e manage hu interview me... quit in nov -.- Zzz... so now i haf to go bak n check wid e team leader of AMKhub yogurt place to noe if dey still wanna employ ppl... zZz

bt den... tinkin of not workin mayb? shrug... since havin attachment tis yr... n oso to get focus on sch work >.<

sch... i noe i haven been puttin effort in my study... n i dun really bother abt it... so dun nag @ me... i noe tt!! tryin my best to really buck up for tis yr... to improve my GPA...

join Y.A... but i noe i haven really commit in it... in a way... i join so tt i can go bak to mfgg 'officially' to help out for meetin n stuff... bt aft e bannin tt time.. haven been gng bak @ all... perhaps shall go back tml to see see look look... anyway... made up my mind not to cont Y.A. since i'm not committing...

StageArts... i find it hard to believe tt i jus join last jan... n if i'm not wrong... i'm e last person to join for tt batch bah... really haf to thanks Amin for intro me to tis cca... if not... i'm still wanderin ard cca-less... ok... perhaps not tt bad... haha... havin to join S.A for a yr... n participatin in almost all e event tt TMT or S.A. have... and finally gotten a committee post as the Assistant Head of TMT... i'm grateful for bein recognise of e effort that i put in for e cca... and bein rewarded for it... New power come new responsibility yea? haha...

lots of friendships were built last yr... frm sch to work to online... knowing of wf, randy, asp and fs ard in feb... n oso workin wid e S.A. peeps since e new sch yr... and not forgetin gettin into a r/s wid ken... if i'm not wrong... i tink sushi gang start last yr too... and it oso 1 yr since i noe those lpp n OT peeps...

guess tis yr will start to go grandparents' place more often for dinner... since i'm unemployed for e moment... seriously missin havin to haf dinner everyday @ grandparents' place... i haf gone dere so rarely durin sch days tt wen i'm @ grandparents place... my mom can actually forgot tt i'm dere wen she call out to my sibling wen gng home tt time... sheesh~ how great~

anyway... still yet to go for my car license... and tis is my aim tt i wanna achieve by end of e yr... TO GET MY CAR LICENSE!!! hopefully i do achieve it... perhaps shld jus take action n stop w8in for da? >.<


in short... 2008 had been great... yes dere was down times... bt dere's up times too... dere's 2 sides everything... e up and e down... e happiness and e sadness... may 2009 be as fruitful as 2008 ^^

S.A. Committee '08/09

18th Dec 2008...
StageArts Alumni Nite...



was unable to attend due to e fact tt i'm not even in SG :(
so not only tt i didn't able to attend it...
i oso dunno hu gt wad post for S.A. committee '08/09


until i read some S.A. peeps blog... n oso to check wid Danny for e head n assistant head of TMT...


Me and Shavien...
The Head and Assistant Head of TMT...


Shouldn't be surprise, shld i?
Afterall, shavien and i are e onli seniors in TMT...


But somehow...
I still wish it ain't true...


Best to check wid erny to cfm everything...
But i guess...
It had been set...


Well...
Whatever it is...
I gave my words
To give my best for it...
To take up the challenge...


I just hope i can live up to deir expectation...
I just dun haf tt confident tt i'm able to lead e dept...
Even aft e assurance frm erny aft e interview tt day...
Even e lil assurance frm danny jus now...


perhaps...
havin seen e 'politics'
it's not jus whether e person deserve that position or not...
bt oso if the person is capable for tt position...


e seniors told me...
tt if i gt it...
it's cuz i deserved it...
even though i may join S.A. late...

bt the thing is...
knowin tt my effort is being recognise is 1 thing
havin the capability to lead the dept is another...


seriously hope tt i'm able to do a gd job >.<



update on 27th Dec
know frm melvyn tt i'm e assistance head...
@ least i'm not e head...
bt still e responsibility and expectation is dere...